The year was 1969.  The singer was Frank Sinatra. The song epitomised Sinatra’s spirit – I Did It My Way.

There are millions of people who want to do it their way. And there are millions of people who fail at change.

There’s nothing wrong with being independent, with having individual goals, with climbing your own mountain. It’s good to be self-directed and self-reliant. But be careful here, because there’s another truth laying on the other side of the coin.

When it comes to change, you can’t always do it on your own. You won’t always be successful if you only ever do it your way.

There’s an unsurprising fact about tough change – it’s tough. Sure there are easy changes we sometimes make in our lives, our businesses, and our workplaces.  They’re not too bad.  But tough change?  That’s another story; it’s scary and it pushes us to our limits and beyond.

There are changes you and I have to make on occasions that push us way out of our comfort zone, and sometimes we just can’t succeed on our own.  We need help.  What have you experienced that has been like that?

Success at change doesn’t always come from us being strong and resilient. It doesn’t always come from us being motivated and self-confident. Sometimes it comes from us reaching out to someone and saying, “I need help”. It may not be cool, but it’s the truth.

Of course we need to be discerning about who we go to for help.  There are many people we shouldn’t listen to; and there are some we should.  The trick is in telling the difference.

And there’s also a big difference between asking for help and taking it.  Some people are given good advice and never do anything about it.  It rolls off them like water off a duck. Not much common sense there.

People change because they are willing to trust.  And be discerning.  And take action. You can always do it your way if you want: the way of blind and deaf independence. But there is a better way. It’s the way of discerning trust.

Dr Steve Barlow

Steve Barlow
Author: Steve Barlow

Steve heads up The Change Gym. He is a change readiness specialist. You can contact him at