Let me tell you about Paul and how his life changed when he discovered that change has a success pattern. Paul is a real person and what I’m telling you really did happen.
When I first met Paul, he had a job he didn’t really like, and he had some dreams he’d almost given up on. He was a little beaten up by life. His marriage had broken down and he didn’t have much to do with his kids anymore. He was very sad about that, and he was also stuck in a place of resentment. He couldn’t move on to anything better because he was still licking his wounds.
That said, Paul was pretty good at wearing a mask. When I first met him, I thought he was self-assured and on the up and up. He looked like he had things together. But, as we got to know each other better, the real Paul began to emerge.
The real Paul was pissed off and stuck. He was stuck in a job he didn’t like, with a boss he didn’t like, and a company he didn’t like, and he didn’t like his ex, and he didn’t like not seeing his kids. There were also members of his broader family he didn’t like. But he’d learnt how to wear a mask and cover it all up.
After some time, I began working with Paul. He didn’t understand that change had a success pattern and he didn’t know anything about change fitness and how it helps unlock the success pattern.
I helped Paul by coaching him. I gave him things to watch and things to read and write about. And we met together online every 2-3 weeks for 3 months and talked about what he was learning about change and about himself. And he started learning a lot about himself. He gained a lot of self-awareness.
I noticed a big change in Paul about halfway through the program. He started to talk differently about his future. He started to get unstuck. I could hear it in his language and then he did something major. He decided to go up to someone he had a grudge with and openly tell them how he felt. This must have been a really difficult thing for him to do because for years he had avoided having anything to do with this person.
After that event, he was very proud of himself and talked about it with great delight. It had gone well – the other person apologised, and the relationship was restored. He felt free.
Eventually, Paul finished the program and I stopped seeing him. About 6 months went by without any contact from him, and then one day I received an email from him.
He’d moved on. New opportunities had opened for him and he was able to move into them.
Paul had been stuck – unable to solve his problems or take advantage of opportunities. Not because he didn’t want them but because he couldn’t change.
In the end, he didn’t change because of my coaching. He changed because he learnt to work with the success pattern of change, and he developed more change fitness and change readiness. I just showed him how.
There are many people like Paul – in fact, we are all like Paul sometimes. But we can all discover more about the success pattern and develop more change fitness. This means we can all learn how to succeed at change. I just show people how.
You might be like Paul, stuck in place you don’t like and feeling trapped. Or you might have the pleasure of managing people like Paul. Either way, you need to know how to unlock the success pattern and help others learn the same.
I invite you to reach out and have a chat with me. Let’s talk about where you’re at and what you’d like to change.
Written by Steve Barlow